Foolish Hearts
by LyricalKris
Summary: The Oregon Trail. Over 2,000 miles of unforgiving wilderness stretches between Bella and a new life. Edward knew from experience the trail was no place for young love, but then, his heart was known to be foolish.
1. New Life

**A/N:Quick note to my old readers. In case you are looking for Underworld, it was removed from FF. You can find it on AO3 and Fictionpad if you miss it.  
**

** A new journey begins. We're going to be traversing the Oregon Trail, folks. **

**Disclaimers: Not SM. Not even close.**

* * *

_**~Prologue~**_

"Hey, Momma." Bella Swan sank to her knees in the snow-covered ground of the little cemetery. "I come to say goodbye."'

She had to take a deep breath to steady her breathing, and she blinked back her tears. "Papa went on ahead of us two years back. He left me in good hands with the Cullens, like I told you before. We all want to make a life out in the Northwest.

"So we're leaving tomorrow for Independence, Missouri. I reckon that means I'm not going to see you again." She wiped at her eyes. "This wouldn't be happening at all if you hadn't passed. You know Papa would have done anything for you. He'd have kept you here in the city rather than head out into the wild unknown." She sighed. "But he says it's beautiful, and the Cullens will be there, too."

Bella bowed her head. "I'm going to try to be brave, Momma, but I'm scared. I've heard tales of the trail, the Oregon trail, and not all of them are good. People die out there. It may as well be across the world, for all the months we're going to spend in a wagon."

She sniffled once and sat up straighter. "But don't you worry none, Momma. Carlisle's going to take real good care of us. I figure we're at an advantage, what with him being a doctor and all. That's got to count for something. Plus he's got enough money to hire a guide. Best guide in the business, he said. We're leaving a little early." She sniffled again, getting a hold of herself. "We're going to Independence by steamboat, Momma. Ain't that exciting?"

Tightening her cloak around her shoulders, Bella traced her fingers over her mother's name. Her fingers trembled, and she pressed her fist to her mouth for a long moment. "I love you. I won't forget you. I swear I won't."

**~0~**

It was late March so it was still bitterly cold, especially out on the Missouri River. Still, Bella preferred to be on the deck instead of in the cabins below. In the cabins, it often seemed as though the walls threatened to close in. She was luckier than most. Steerage was far worse. Either way, the fresh, crisp air was preferable.

Bella started when she felt a light touch to her back.

"Sorry." Carlisle finished fixing her shawl about her shoulders. "Esme was worried you would catch your death of cold."

"I didn't mean to worry her."

"She's a mother, dear. It's in her nature." He rested his arms on the rail and looked out. "It's beautiful out here."

"Yes. Already so different from New York." She nodded at the banks, covered in blossoming greenery. "It looks to be a plentiful spring."

"That would be my hope." He took a deep breath. "Are you frightened, Bella? About the trek I mean. You haven't said much."

Bella didn't speak right away. She thought of lying, but she couldn't see the point. Carlisle had always been honest with her, and though she was only eighteen, he treated her like a proper adult. "Does it matter if I'm frightened? There's nowhere to go but on."

"Still, if you have concerns…"

"Same as you have, I'd wager. Five months, thousands of miles of walking, and I've heard the same stories you have."

"You have to remember, Bella, many of the stories come from well before the trail was so well traveled. There are many more posts and ferries to take us across most river crossings. We know a lot of things now the first travelers didn't."

"Hundreds die every year still."

He rested his hand on her back. "Your father survived."

"I saw the letters to you, Carlisle. He was dying when the train reached Oregon. He barely survived."

"I didn't realize you'd seen those letters."

"I snooped. I'm sorry."

"We should have told you." He smiled at her. "Between Emmett, the Hales, and me, we have considerable expertise. You, Esme, Alice, and Rosalie are braver than we are by far. We'll make it. All of us. Plus I hear James Hunter and his crew are the best guides around. They led your father's group."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "We've taken every precaution. Our wagon won't be overburdened since we've had all our belongings sent by freight. We have many advantages others in our train won't. We'll be fine."

She took a deep breath. "I know. I've done my whining. Now I'm ready to be brave."

* * *

**A/N: So that's Bella.**

**Thank you to songster, barburella, and everydaybella. They are all indulgent sweethearts.**

**Okay. This will begin posting when Suddenly and All I Have To Give are done, which should be less than two weeks. **

**Thoughts? Fears? Guesses? See you soon and our adventure will begin.**


	2. Wagons Ho

_**A/N: Of course I played the Oregon Trail. I still play it. The updated version is pretty spiffy.**_

_**~Late March, 1848. Independence, MO~**_

Edward Masen was the only man in James Hunter's employ who didn't stumble out of the brothel that morning. It was to be expected. In a few days time, they would be back on the trail where all their time and energy would be accounted for. Edward wasn't a monk by any stretch of the imagination, but he kept to himself more often than not when he wasn't on the trail. The night before had been no different.

"I hope you got your jollies out, because we're on the job as of now. Folks we got on the line are the proper sort. Don't lose us our commission. There are plenty others itching to take their money. I'd rather it be in our pockets, are we clear on that?"

Edward nodded along with the others. They were four in total. James served as guide with Edward, Laurent, a Frenchman and former fur trapper, and Victor, a twenty-two year old boy with bright red hair who worshipped the ground James walked on and had proven he could be helpful, as his scouts.

James nodded. "We'll be leading two families. The Cullens and the Hales. Carlisle Cullen, age forty-five. He's a doctor, so that's useful. His wife, Esme Cullen, age forty-two. Emmett Cullen, age twenty-five, a carpenter. His wife, Rosalie Cullen, age twenty-one. Alice Cullen, age twenty. Alistair Hale, age fifty-three, a banker. Vera Hale, age thirty. Jasper Hale, age twenty-one. No occupation listed. Peter Hale, age eight. Henry Hale, age six." He squinted at the paper in his hand. "And Isabella Swan, age eighteen. Who knows where she fits in that mess. Maybe she's a maid."

"We've seen worse travelers. Even the little ones aren't so little. No babes," Laurent said.

"Yet," Edward muttered.

"Anyway. They're getting settled in. We're going to meet them in about an hour, so be presentable."

_**~0~**_

The Cullens and Hales were smarter than most travellers. Edward couldn't count the number of times James and the others had to talk a family out of doing something stupid before they were even on the trail. What most families considered necessity at the beginning of a trip got left by the side of the trail only after the added weight had contributed to the death of the draft animals or worse the people themselves.

Edward distracted himself from that thought as he looked over the group. They looked to be a close knit bunch. Fortunatly, Carlisle quipped, his children fell in love with siblings. "It makes for a cohesive family unit."

Two full families and the odd woman out, Isabella Swan. James and his crew all had their strengths and weaknesses. Edward's insight was a valuable asset for men who made their trade on the trail. It was in everyone's best interest to keep every member of this party alive- not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination.

In Edward's estimation, the girl was at least as vulnerable as the two young boys if not more so. When it came to survival there was a definite hierarchy within any group. It was natural for husbands to look after wives and wives to look after children. Older siblings looked after younger. The whole train kept their eyes on the youngest children. Isabella was neither wife nor daughter. She was old enough not to be considered a child. She was no one's priority. Edward shifted her to the top of his list.

As though she heard his thoughts she looked up at him. Though it probably wasn't polite, Edward didn't look away. Her cheeks pinked under his gaze, but her eyes held what might have been bemusement. She raised an eyebrow, as though calling out his rudeness. Spunky, Edward thought. No wilting flower.

She would survive the trip.

When introductions were complete, the others left Carlisle to handle business.

"There is a train headed out April seventh if weather permits," James said.

"No earlier?"

"Early April is pushing it. If there's still snow on the ground, there's no grazing grass. No grazing grass, the livestock will starve, and I doubt you're going to pull the wagon yourself. The seventh is the earliest, and that's subject to the weather."

"Fine. That's fine. Might be better. It will give us time to sort out a wedding."

"A wedding?"

Carlisle's smile was proud. "My daughter and her fiance wish to be married before we leave."

"Your daughter's getting hitched?" James asked.

Laurent caught Edward's eye and made a face where Carlisle couldn't see. Edward grimaced.

"That's what she wants, yes," Carlisle said

"Uh huh. Well, congratulations then." James shook Carlisle's hand. "We'll start getting your supplies together tomorrow."

"You could have warned him," Edward said when Carlisle had left to join his family.

"None of my concern. We spoke plain enough. He knows the pace we need to go at. A member of his family falls behind, well, it's his own business," James said.

"I don't understand. What's wrong with his daughter getting married?" Victor asked

"Young married woman like that is more like to get herself in the family way," Edward said.

"A sickly pregnant woman could slow us down. He'd be better off keeping his daughter in his tent until we reach trail's end," James said. "Don't make no difference no how. There's a bunch of 'em might already be carrying, and that's on them. They're keeping up or they're getting left behind. That's the end of it." He pointed at Edward. "Keep your mouth shut, Masen. This Mr. Cullen is a spare no expenses type of guy, and I have a few expenses in mind, you get it? Don't scare him off sticking your nose where it don't belong."

Edward held his hands up in a placating gesture. "All right, all right. Just seems he's the type that might have listened, that's all."

_**~0~**_

Bella tagged along when Carlisle and Mr. Hale went with James. She kept well out of the way, busying herself with petting some of the smaller animals as James extolled the virtues of oxen over horses.

"I heard mules were best," Carlisle said.

"Oh it's true enough they're ideal. Sturdier than horses. Strong as oxen but lighter. Problem with them is they're stubborn. They don't want to do something; it don't get done. Might seem like a pain in the neck until they bolt down a hill or when you're trying to get them through the water."

"I hear you. Oxen it is."

They had settled on two large wagons and one medium wagon between the two families and more oxen than Bella had fingers and toes.

And that was just the beginning. Under James's tutelage, they bought thousands of pounds of flour, bacon, sugar, coffee, and lard. Overwhelmed with the amount of supplies necessary to take care of their families for five months, Bella beat a hasty retreat.

Out in the crisp air, she came across one of the other guides. There were maps spread out beside him on the shop's wrap-around porch, but his head was bent over a leather bound journal. He was the one who'd stared at her when they met. Bella wondered if she should be nervous to be out here alone with him, but he showed no sign he even knew she was there. He scratched away at his journal, and Bella's eyes were caught by the maps at his side. She tilted her head, trying to read what she could of the maps. The lines and colors made little sense to her.

"You can come sit if you want to look."

Bella started at the sound of his voice, and she raised her eyes to find him looking at her. She tightened her shawl about her shoulders and held her head high, hoping he would write off her blush as her cheeks being kissed by the bite of the wind. "I don't want to bother you."

"It's no bother. You got questions, you can ask me. Or James if you're more comfortable."

"James is busy with Carlisle."

"Then I suppose you're stuck with me." He flashed her a grin that made Bella want to smile back. "Go on, then. Sit down."

Bella held her skirts aloft as she settled down with her legs dangling over the side of the porch and the maps between them. "Your name is Edward, isn't it?"

"It is indeed. Edward Masen at your service. And you're Isabella Swan."

"Bella. Please."

"Bella then."

She turned the top map her way and tried to figure what she was looking at.

"Go ahead and ask. I can see you have questions."

Bella looked up. "You're sure I'm not a nuisance."

"No, miss. You're fine."

"Well. It's just that I'm not sure where on here we're going to end up and how we're going to get there. On the map, I mean. I understand the part about the trail and wagons and walking."

Edward raised his eyebrow, an amused smile playing at his lips. "This trail is going to be your life for months, and you don't know where you're going?"

The comment rankled. "I figured that's your job, isn't it? Are you going to tell me or tease me?"

He chuckled, but he took another map from his pack and spread it out. It was well worn, and this one was marked by his own pencil. "See here?" He pointed to a spot on the map. "That's where we are. Independence." He drew his finger along where his pencil had sketched a dark line through the map. "We come up through here. Across these mountains- the Rocky Mountains-through this piece of desert and up here to the Willamette Valley."

Bella traced her fingers along a number of lines that bisected the trail. "Are these rivers?"

"That they are." He tilted his head toward her, studying her. "There are ferries at some of the rivers. Your, uh, family has some advantage there, being able to pay for the ferry for all. The first crossing is at the Blue River. We won't even be on the trail a day before we reach it. It's likely we'll have to wait a day or two for our turn to cross."

"We have to wait to cross?"

"They can only ferry one wagon at a time, so there's a line. It'll be worse in another month, believe me."

"I believe you." Bella pressed her lips together as she looked at the trail on the map. She tried to visualize what the colors and lines meant, the rivers, the mountains, the stretches of nothing.

"Hey." He touched her shoulder and Bella felt a jolt go down her back. She sat up straighter, finding herself caught in his stare. "Don't worry none. James is a lot of things, but he's good at what he does. We'll take care of you and yours."

Looking in his earnest eyes, Bella did feel safer. Still, she couldn't help but ask. "You ever lost someone out there on the trail?"

Pain flashed across his face so vividly, Bella's stomach twisted, but he looked away just as quick. He cleared his throat. "As many times as I've made this journey, it's impossible not to lose someone That's just a sorry fact of nature."

Bella's urge to comfort him overrode decorum and propriety. She reached out to put her hand over his. "I'm sorry. That was a foolish thing to ask."

He stared at their hands, and Bella, self-conscious, pulled away. His expression was a mask as he looked up at her again. "I understand why you asked. I remember your Pa, you know."

"Do you?"

"Sure. Hardy, he was. A good man. He was always helping others when he could. Maybe too much. He talked about you."

Bella felt her cheeks pink. "Did he?"

"Yes, ma'am. Whenever we'd have some time around the fire, or a few times we went fishing together, he was always talking about his girl." He offered her a lopsided smile. "If we're being honest, I pictured you as a little thing, maybe knee high."

Bella's lips tugged downward. "Well, I 'spect that's how he still saw me. I was so young when he left."

He chuckled. It was such a rich sound, it pleased Bella somehow. "You are still very young."

"I'm no baby."

"No." His eyes swept her face. "That you are not."

_**~0~**_

The day before they left, the wagons circled outside Independence. Their train consisted of fifty-four other wagons.

"You gotta think of the train as a traveling city," James said as he explained how they would travel. "Just about every train I been a part of elected a council. This is because there will be squabbles along the way and we got to have some way to settle them. It's most like I'll be elected to the council. Always am, but at the end of the day, we have freedom of choice. The train goes a direction we don't agree with, we can always choose a different path. The trail forks in a number of places, after all. But for the most part, it's wiser to stay with the group."

True to his word, James was elected to the council. True to Edward's word, they hadn't gone a day's walk out of Independence before they reached the Blue River and had to wait for the ferry.

The days were cold, and Bella longed to return to the protection of the city not so far behind them. She found herself seeking out the guide, Edward, whenever she thought she wasn't getting in the way. He was more approachable than the others, and when coaxed, he would tell her tales that made her feel better about the journey. It was easy to hear only the dangers and tragedies that struck on the trail. It was easy to fear accidents, drowning, and sickness. But Edward told her about the good things she could expect. He told her of the beauty of the land and the things he'd seen. He told her about the triumphs of earlier travelers and watching the forts pop up one by one.

Listening to Edward, Bella began to feel some excitement about the journey. It was an adventure she would live to tell her grandchildren, he said.

More than once in the few days they waited at the river, Bella fell asleep by the fire, listening to Edward's melodic voice.


	3. Maggie

**A/N: To clear up confusion, James didn't realize Bella was Charlie's kid right away. It's been years since they led Charlie, so they probably didn't clue in until later when Carlisle or someone else mentioned it.**

* * *

Bella pulled her coat tighter around her. This early in the spring, the weather was bitterly cold most of the day. Occasionally, in the afternoons, after hours of walking, the sunshine would be enough that Bella could undo the buttons of her overcoat.

It was only the fifth day of real travel. Each day began when the horns blew around four in the morning. Breakfast of porridge, bacon, and coffee was served by five-thirty. Everyone was fed, the dishes washed, the livestock rounded up, and bedding stowed by seven when "Wagons ho," was called. Edward had told her they covered twenty miles on a good day, stopping only at nooning time to eat.

Their guides switched duties. Two of them guided the oxen teams, one rode ahead of the wagon train, searching the trail for potential problems, and the last walked with the families. Bella brightened when she saw it was Edward walking with them that day. The other three guides were cold or, at worst, made her uncomfortable. They talked down to her if they bothered to speak to her at all.

Edward walked along as though deep in thought. He looked up at the sky or around and the landscape. As she watched, he took off his hat and brushed his fingers along his scalp. The sun caught his hair, and Bella caught the reddish tint to the bronze-brown. He was a striking man. Bella caught the thought before it got too far and she looked down at her boots to hide her furious blush. Wasn't her fault it was the truth. She wondered if it was impolite to think such a thing even if she never spoke the words out loud.

Bella pulled her long braid around to her front and finger-combed the snarls out of the end as she waited for the heat to recede from her cheeks. Then she quickened her pace so she fell in step beside him. "Reckon the weather's finally turning warmer."

He took a deep breath as though her voice startled him. He blinked before he answered. "Reckon so. Still, we could stand a few more days of cold. We should reach the next big river crossing in a few days time. Less the snow's melted, the easier the river will be."

"No ferries on this one?"

"Not on this one, no." He looked to the side and gave her a smile not near as pretty as the one he flashed when he was truly amused. "Don't you worry. There are a few spots where the river's not quite as wide. Should be able to ride right across. Maybe get a bit wet." His lips pursed. "That's the thing Maggie hated most."

"Who's Maggie?"

Edward's face fell. His posture changed in an instant. His shoulders hunched, and he looked away from her. "Anyhow, it'll be fine. You're in good hands."

His pace quickened, and Bella frowned as she found herself facing his back. "Mr. Masen, I didn't mean to-"

"I think Alice was looking for you earlier." Edward nodded ahead. The Hale's wagon was a pace in front of them. "Maybe you should get on over there."

"Ah. Alice is still mooney-eyed over her new husband. She don't need me hanging around. Besides, there's not much she can say. You've made this journey so many times you can guess when we're going to be at a landmark. Truth be told, I didn't want to do this once. I can't imagine doing it over and over-"

"I'm working, Miss Swan." Edward's cold tone shocked her so much, Bella flinched away from him. He wasn't looking at her but staring straight forward. "You ought to go find one of your own friends to prattle to."

Bella stopped walking all together and stared at Edward's back while he got further away. She shook it off after a handful of seconds and held her head up high as she strode past him to catch up with the Hale's wagon.

"Hey. There you are." Alice threw her arm about Bella's waist and pulled her closer.

"Missed you at breakfast," Bella said.

Alice giggled. "Still a newlywed, I suppose. I'm surprised we were able to stow our bedding on time this morning."

"Alice!"

"Ah, my Bella. Pure as the driven snow. Speaking of which. It _is _a fine way to keep warm these frigid mornings."

Bella put her hands over her face and groaned.

"It will be you someday soon, my dear. Then you'll understand."

Bella looked about to assure herself no one was listening. She leaned close. "I don't know where you get the energy. I've been exhausted. It takes me too long to get up in the morning as it is. Your mother already had breakfast started before I'd even opened my eyes."

"You worry too much. You do so many chores in the evening, it's no wonder you wear yourself out."

"You do as many chores as I do."

Alice grinned. "Love does strange things to you. I'm not tired. I'm too much in love to be tired of any of this."

"Such a fanciful idea. I have no doubt Rosalie is in love with Emmett, but she tires easily these days. Have you noticed?"

"She and Emmett have been married for ages."

Bella laughed. "Oh, yes. Three years. They're near to their death beds, I'm sure." She squeezed her friend. "I've missed you, Alice. We've shared a room these last three years. It's hard to sleep without your range of snores."

"I don't snore."

"Ah, yes. You do."

"Jasper would have told me if I snored."

"How would he know? You'd have to sleep for him to find out."

Alice gasped and gave Bella a shake as she laughed. "Wicked, Bella. I didn't know you had it in you. It's a shame you didn't take a suitor before."

"I knew we were leaving. What would be the point?"

"Well, maybe you should socialize more in the evenings. Join the dancing?"

"To what purpose?"

Alice's eyes glinted with mischief. "To keep you warm in the morning."

Bella's cheeks heated. She gestured out at the wagons that stretched into the distance in front and behind them. "These people all have plans to start a new life. There's no point to look for a fellow here. They might be heading for a future well away from where my father settled."

"So serious, Bella. Practical, I suppose. Just keep an open mind, Bella. I know you're uncertain about our future in this new place, but I have a good feeling about this. Life is good, and all the better when you have someone to share it with."

"I'll take that under advisement. On the off chance I'll find a man out here in the middle of nowhere, who means to settle in the same place, mind, I promise I'll keep an open mind."

_**~0~**_

When they stopped for nooning time, Edward slipped into the woods, away from the chatter of the wagons. Officially, he was supposed to be hunting what small game he could. A rabbit would make for a more palatable dinner than more bacon and bread. It was another month or more before the fish would be large enough to feed a family. Best to leave the small catches be for the moment.

In reality, he needed a few minutes alone to collect his thoughts. Maggie's name had slipped from his lips so naturally it had shaken him. It tripped off a rash of memories. Typically when he was out on the trail, he could lose himself in his duties. There was always something to think of. Before Bella had come up to him, he'd been watching a hawk circle, trying to remember what plant life could be gathered this early in spring.

Those days they spent waiting for the ferry, Edward had discovered the girl was easy to talk to. When they spoke, hours seemed to pass like minutes. She asked many questions and listened attentively to his answers. It had happened more than once some single gal had come to him feigning interest while she batted her eyelashes and put on a coy smile. Bella wasn't so empty headed. Her curiosity was genuine and her responses clever.

He'd hurt her with his brush off. He'd seen the pain in her eyes, and it bothered him perhaps more than it should. What should he care about a young girl's dramatics? But he couldn't deny the ache in his heart when he remembered the stricken look on her face. He had come to enjoy her friendship.

When he got back to camp, the wagons were about ready to leave. He curled his hand around the treasure in his pocket and quickened his pace to catch her before she went to walk beside one of the others. She was stowing the last of the dishes in the wagon when he came up to her. "Bella." He touched his hand to her elbow to get her attention.

Her eyes widened before they narrowed. "You're speaking to me again?" She didn't wait for him to answer but went to take her place a safe distance from the wagon wheels.

Edward grimaced and hurried after her. "I brought you something."

That got her attention. She looked up, startled. "What?"

He smiled and reached out to pull her apron toward him. He transferred several handfuls of berries from his pocket to the front of her apron. Her eyes widened as she held the apron aloft to keep the berries from spilling out.

"For me?" she asked.

"I'd put them in your pockets if you don't want to share." He winked and plucked a couple berries from the pile.

She eyed him as she began to put the berries in the pockets of her coat. "I don't know what I said to you before to make you angry at me."

"I know that." He ran his hand under his hat, scratching at his head. "I'm not angry at you. I didn't mean to snap at you." He took a deep breath. "Maggie was my wife."

"Oh, I…" Bella stumbled over her words.

"You don't have to say nothing." It was hard to breathe around the weight that had settled over his chest. "Did you want to leave your home?"

"I don't know that I wanted to stay where I was." Bella tilted her head. "I didn't want to come on the trail, if that's what you mean. It's a frightening thought to venture out into the wild land. Animals, sickness, Indians. I've heard all the stories."

"Many stories about the Indians are greatly exaggerated. Most tribes would sooner trade with you than kill you. We get a little further out, they might even be of some help getting us across the river."

"That's good to hear. But the rest of it?"

Edward looked out at the horizon. "The rest's true. Used to be truer, as a matter of fact. Not so many years ago the trail was all wilderness. No forts… and the trail hadn't been as well mapped out as it is now." He worried the edge of his jacket between his thumb and forefinger. "Maggie didn't want to go. She begged me not to take her clear across the country. I didn't understand at the time. We'd both lost our families. We were alone in the world- just the two of us. There were opportunities in the west I wanted. I dismissed what she wanted offhand."

"You were her husband. It was your job to provide for her."

"It was also my job to protect her." Edward clenched his fist at his side and swallowed hard. "Anyway. It wasn't your fault I thought of her. It startled me, is all. I'm sorry about what I said."

"It's fine." She hesitated, but then she reached out and pressed her palm to his shoulder. "I'm sorry about your wife."

"Yeah." He looked down at his boots. "I am, too." He shook, as though he could physically remove the weight from his shoulders. It had been years and that weight never lessened. "Anyhow. I need to make my rounds, check in on the others."

"Do your job?" Bella smiled to show she was teasing.

"I'm not on a pleasure stroll, or at least that's what James would tell me." He tipped his hat. "Thanks for listening."

"Hey, Edward?"

Edward turned back and raised an eyebrow at her. She looked uncertain, but her expression was earnest and compassionate. "Whatever happened to your Maggie, I'm sure you did your best."

His heart twisted because she didn't know, couldn't know the truth. But she was young and naive. "She was your age, you know. Maggie. When she died." He didn't give Bella the chance to reply to that. He walked off to tend to his duties and tried not to think about Maggie's sweet face, so like Bella's, as she walked this very trail years before.

* * *

**A/N: Mmmm hmmm. Anyway. Thanks so much to songster and barburella!**

**Soooooo. Hi, everyone!**


	4. Friction

**A/N: Sorry about the delay in this story. I'm trying to concentrate on finishing my ofic this month. It's coming along. Anyway! Enjoy.**

* * *

"Mercy, the dust is awful." Rosalie waved her hand in front of her face and coughed.

Victor, who was walking with the families that day, looked over his shoulder and flashed a wicked grin. "You ain't seen nothing yet, princess. Wait until the weather is drier. Dust gets so thick, can't see more than a few feet in front of you. Especially in the desert region."

Alice and Rosalie exchanged a glance. Bella cleared her throat and smiled coolly and Victor. "Something to look forward to, I suppose." She took each of the other women by the arm. "Come on. We'll see if Esme and Vera need a break from Peter and Henry."

The girls made their way to the other side of the wagon, away from Victor before the red-head could get going. If Bella found James unnerving, she found Victor downright irritating. He was often the wrong side of snide, and he seemed to delight in telling them how bad things could get on the trail. Bella supposed it could be considered useful information, but he didn't have to such an ass about it.

Edward was much better with such things. When he spoke of the trail, he was honest, but he made it seem bearable.

Not for the first time, Bella wondered what the trail was like for him when he was a young husband with an even younger wife.

"Peter! For heaven's sake." Alice rushed forward as they got around the other side of the wagon and scooped Peter up. She set him back down a safe distance from the wheels. "How many times do you have to be told to stay away from the wagon?"

The boy pouted. "I'm being careful."

"Not careful enough." Bella wagged a finger in his face. "Did you see the little girl they brought to Carlisle yesterday?"

Peter made a face. "I heard her carryin' on."

"With good reason. Her dress got caught, and she got grabbed right under the wheel. It about crushed her leg, poor thing. She's going to spend the whole rest of the trip in the wagon, and who knows if she'll walk again ever."

Peter's eyes were about to bulge out of his head. "It's lucky we have a doctor with us, huh?"

"Sure is," Rosalie said. "Still, there some things even Carlisle can't fix."

"But Carlisle is the best doctor ever."

"Not ever, young man." Carlisle caught up with them. He ruffled Peter's hair.

Alice and Bella looked on Carlisle and exchanged a glance. There was a heavy look in the man's eyes. He had been asked to visit a wagon somewhat further back on the trail. As one of two doctors—and James assured them even that was a rarity—Carlisle was called upon whenever a fellow emigrant was struck by a malady. From his expression, this last visit had not gone well.

"Peter. Go find Henry and make sure he's not getting into as much trouble as you are," Alice said. She squeezed Peter's shoulders and sent him on his way.

Bella fell in step beside Carlisle with Rosalie on his other side. "Do you wish to talk about it?" Bella asked.

The skin around his eyes tightened. "I shouldn't trouble you. It's not a polite topic of discussion."

Rosalie put her hand to his arm. "We aren't children, Carlisle. Unburden yourself."

He sighed. "I suppose not. The family had some trouble at the last river crossing. Their young man nearly drowned that day. He's been struggling, but today he succumbed."

They all four were quiet as they walked along together. "It was the first death, was it not? The first of our train."

"It is always unfortunate to lose a patient. That he was so young, barely twenty years old, was more of a tragedy." Carlisle paused as though debating with himself whether or not he should continue. "I know James told us what to expect, but what was most disconcerting was the idea his family will have to bury him and move on without much time to grieve."

Bella's throat was tight. "Victor told me some days ago, if someone in the party takes too long to die, they have been left behind by their families. What a terrible choice to make."

"He shouldn't have told you that." Carlisle shook his head. "I'll speak to James. His people shouldn't be talking about such things. It won't happen. Not to us."

Carlisle excused himself then to find his wife. Bella and the other girls were quiet as they walked along. It wasn't something he could promise, and they all knew it.

_**~0~**_

When they stopped for lunch, it was obvious Carlisle was dwelling on the loss of his young patient. Bella slipped a bit of the bacon Esme offered between a biscuit left over from breakfast that morning. She slipped her impromptu sandwich into her apron pocket and told Alice she wanted to take a walk.

"I think I hear a stream nearby. I'd like to wash my face," Bella said.

Alice laughed. "An exercise in futility, but if it pleases you. Don't wander too far."

Bella found the stream not far off the trail, but it was not her true destination. Since her small spat with Edward, he had often slipped some kind of plant or berry in her pocket. He would whisper some instruction about how she was to cook or eat it, wink at her, and then be gone again to attend to his duties.

As Bella searched the forest floor, trying to recognize the plants she saw, her thoughts strayed again to Edward. She had so many questions, but they hadn't had a chance to talk since the last time. The last time Edward had been walking with the families, Alistair had kept him busy with conversation of his own.

Who was to say. It was likely Edward only tolerated Bella's conversation. She was not a child, but he was a widower a decade her senior and a working man besides. What interest could he have in the prattle of a young woman? It also didn't escape Bella's notice that in polite society, a young, marriageable woman would not have been left alone with a man, particularly an unmarried man. Her cheeks flushed hot, and she wondered if she was being inappropriate. Surely though if he was uncomfortable, he would have asked Carlisle to speak to her by now.

Bella was distracted from these thoughts when she spied a bush and, better yet, what looked to be the same berries Edward had given her that first day. She set about plucking as many berries as she could from the bush. She filled her pockets and hoped she could bring a smile to Carlisle's face as Edward had to hers. The fare on the trail was nothing if not repetitive. A little variety would be most welcome.

When she had no more room in her pockets, Bella took one last palmful of berries. As she raised the bittersweet fruit to her lips, she heard the rush of quick footfalls. She turned her head in time to see an Edward-shaped blur coming toward her. He slapped at her hand, sending the bright berries flying to the ground.

"What in God's name are you doing?" He grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a shake.

Startled, Bella answered him straight. "I… I wanted give them to Carlisle, that's all."

"Are you trying to get him killed? Are you trying to kill yourself? These are poisonous."

The fury written plainly on his face made Bella want to cringe, but she was irritated as well. She wrested herself from his grip and took several steps back. "Why are you yelling at me?"

"Because you had no business being out here. As it is, many of the men are taking the time to hunt. Do you understand how easily you could have been mistaken for an animal and shot? I've seen it happen out here, Bella. You have to be more careful than that. I can't be expected to watch you every second of every day."

Tears sprang to Bella's eyes, and she blinked them away. She tended to cry when she was angry, and now she was livid. Livid and humiliated. By then, Edward had grabbed her by the arm again. He tried to draw her away, back toward the wagons. "Let me go. You can't manhandle me like that."

His eyes flashed as he turned to her. Bella stared defiantly back. She crossed her arms and held her chin high. Edward released a breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, his look was calmer. "You're right. I shouldn't have touched you like that. You gave me a scare, is all, what with trying to eat poisonous berries." He rubbed the back of his neck and tilted his head in the direction he'd been dragging her. "Come this way. I have something to show you."

He turned and strode off. After a moment's hesitation, she followed. He led her only a short distance away. He picked up a line on which he had three dead rabbits. "I had you in my sights. I could have been the one who killed you. You need to be more careful."

The way he looked at her pinned her where she stood. She wasn't sure how to read his look, his expression. He was also standing startlingly close to her, and Bella was very aware of every inch of her skin.

His eyes gentled as he looked over her. "Come on then. James will leave us if we're late." He hitched the line of rabbits over his shoulder and headed for the forest's edge.

Bella followed behind him, emptying her pockets of the poison berries as she did. She stewed, uncertain and still irritated. "Was that how your wife died? A hunting accident?"

She regretted her question immediately as Edward's shoulders stiffened. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"No, you shouldn't have."

They walked back to the trail in silence.

_**~0~**_

Oxen were a strong, sturdy animals. They were easy to feed and were handy when wagon wheels got stuck in the mud. The trouble some emigrants faced was in the leading. Rather than drive the oxen from the wagon, a teamster would have to walk alongside them, calling out orders. It was a tedious task, and Edward didn't like the days it was his duty. He was relieved when the wagons were circled for the day.

Edward set about his tasks, unyoking the oxen and leading them to where they could graze for the night. When he was done, the smell of dinner was strong in the air. He glanced over to where the Cullens and Hales were gathering as they usually did.

He smiled as the two little Hale boys raced by him, their arms laden with the firewood they'd gathered. Just before dinner, Esme Cullen would call them close so she might keep up their schooling. Of late, a smattering of children from the other wagons were sent to join them.

But as it was not yet time for her lessons, Esme smiled brightly. She called his name to stop him from retreating to the smaller fire where James and the others had gathered. Edward waited as she caught up to him. "I wanted to thank you again for the rabbits you brought."

Edward tilted his hat. "Of course, ma'am. It was my pleasure."

"I can't help but notice you didn't save any for your own meal."

"No. Didn't get nearly enough game. Soon enough now we'll be running into more deer close enough to hunt. Might even get a bear or a moose. They have meat enough to feed us all for days at a time."

"Well. I think it's only right you should enjoy your own kill. Won't you join us for dinner?"

It wasn't the first time Edward had noted Esme was a difficult person to say no to. He tried, but the way she tilted her head, her look at once stern and hopeful, changed his tune right quick. "If it pleases you, ma'am."

"That it does. And please, for at least the twenty-fifth time, call me Esme."

He ducked his head and smiled. The woman made him ache for his mother. "Of course, Esme."

When it came time to eat, Edward kept his word. He went to where the conjoined family was gathered. Alice was standing by the fire, and she handed him a tin cup full of a thin-broth rabbit stew. His mouth watered, and he felt a thrill of anticipation. The nights were still bitterly cold, and this stew would do wonders to warm him.

He glanced about and spied Bella close by, sitting on a large, flat-enough rock. Her shoulders were hunched, her head down, her eyes on a book in her lap. Edward shook his head. She was a stubborn girl, that much he knew for certain. Despite the waning light, she would read until she was unable to see the letters on the page. Already she had brought the book closer to her eyes, and she squinted.

"Let me bring a cup to Bella," Edward said to Alice. She nodded readily and handed him another tin.

When Edward sat beside her, Bella started. When she saw it was him, she looked quickly away. Edward couldn't blame her. She'd given him a scare that afternoon, but it was hardly an excuse for the way he'd grabbed her.

Why did he somehow always find himself in trouble with this girl?

"Here." He offered her one of the tins. Her eyes flicked up to his and lingered for a moment before she looked to the soup.

"Thank you," she said, taking it from him.

A silence descended on them Bella seemed disinclined to break. Her shoulders were drawn inward, her gaze anywhere but on him. The only sound was the occasional sip from both of them as they raised their tins to their lips. Edward sighed. Warm and wonderful though it was, the soup could not quell the uncomfortable block of ice that had taken residence in his stomach as he contemplated what he was about to say.

"It wasn't a hunting accident," Edward said, and out of his peripheral vision, he saw Bella's body jolt at the broken silence. "But it was my fault."

He sipped his meal though his stomach twisted. He stared off, watching as the sun dipped below the horizon. "You know, I can't even tell you that much about her? I was drawn to her because I'd never seen a woman with such bright red hair. Redder even than Victor's, if you can imagine that. She stood out, but more than that, she was very sad."

"Sad?"

When he looked, Bella had raised her head and was watching him, her gaze full of compassion he didn't deserve. He cradled the hot tin in his hands, trying to soak up the warmth. "She was fresh of the boat from Ireland. Her family had died in the long crossing. It happens sometimes. Out on the ocean, someone brings illness with them, a lot of folk die. She'd lost everyone. That was what drew us together, I suppose. Two lonely people in a sea of other folk."

"Sounds like you were a good match."

Edward hummed. "Like I said, I can't really tell you much about her. Not to say I didn't enjoy my time with her. She was fascinated by the fact I could read. She was so eager to learn." Edward had to pause to take a deep breath. His heart ached. "I promised her I would teach her everything, anything she wanted to know."

"That's very kind of you."

He scoffed. "Yes. I am so very kind." He hung his head, twisting the now empty tin in his hands. "She was hardly recovered from her first journey when I told her I wanted to strike out on the trail. She was scared. Of course she was scared, but I was cocky. I was so ignorant." He shook his head in disgust.

The dirt crunched as Bella moved. She scooted closer to him, close enough to rest her hand on his shoulder. "Whatever it was, I'm sure you did everything you could to keep her safe. It's obvious you care. Sometimes, life just happens. You could be the most careful man in the world, and when a thing's gonna be, it's just gonna be."

Edward's smile was genuine as he lifted his head. He reached out and touched the tips of his fingers to her cheek before he drew back. "I knew her all of two days before I married her." He watched as Bella's eyes widened, and he chuckled without humor. "I pressured her into it, actually. Not for any untoward reason mind you. I just thought I knew what was best for her."

"Ah, that does sound familiar."

"Yeah, I reckon I haven't quite rid myself of that habit. But you gotta understand. She was an eighteen-year-old Irish girl with no one to look out for her."

"You wanted to take care of her. I understand that."

"Well, you know what they say about the road paved by good intentions. When we married, I didn't think to tell her I already intended to head west. What I knew about wives was they're meant to follow their husbands. I didn't stop to think what it would do to her - uprooting her yet again."

Bella looked at a loss for what to say, but there was no condemnation in her gaze. She swallowed audibly and again touched her hand to his arm. That small touch was so sweet, it was physically painful. Edward found it hard to speak around the lump in his throat. "She died on the trail six months to the day after we married, about three months into our journey. I hardly knew her. I thought we would have the time to get to know each other properly after we were settled in our new lives."

"I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry." Bella's voice was thick with emotion.

Edward opened his mouth to tell her again it was his fault, but he was distracted by a ruckus closer to the fire than they sat. Most everyone had finished their meal now and some of their neighbors had ventured over to chat. The noise that had drawn Edward's attention was the small group of men who'd brought out their instruments. One blew out a few notes on the harmonica, another brought out a banjo, and Jasper Hale pulled at the strings of his guitar as they all settled.

In minutes, the camp was filled with music and high spirits. The young people danced. The older people chatted, most of them smiling. The children played.

Edward watched the revelry with Bella beside him in a companionable silence.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks so much to barburella, jfka06, and songster for all their help.**

**How we doing out there? Everyone glad they can drive everywhere? Coz holy crap, I am.**


	5. Decorum

**A/N: Most of us are happy for planes, trains, and automobiles. I mean, seriously. I enjoy a good walk but a five month walk would be pushing it.**

* * *

Edward liked to watch Bella dance.

There was something charming about the way she had to be dragged out of her shell each and every time. She sat on the outskirts, watching and clapping her hands along with the merriment. Some of the others would try to get her to dance with them, but she refused.

Almost always it was Alice who succeeded in getting her up. The married couples danced together, but since Jasper was always at his guitar, that left Alice to dance with the young people. She went a few rounds with the others before she hooked her arm through Bella's and pulled her up. As always, Bella put up a fight, but Alice was persistent.

Edward could always tell when Bella forgot her weariness and inhibition. The exhaustion left her features. Her smile spread wide. Her movements became more fluid as her hips moved in time with the music. She hooked her arm through Alice's and one of the other girls, and Edward could hear the sound of her giggle as they danced in a circle. He smiled.

When the song ended, Jasper set his guitar aside. He rushed at his wife and swept her off her feet, away from Bella. He spun her around in a giddy circle. When the other musicians kicked up into the next song, he set her down and away they went.

Bella fell back. She clapped as she broke through the small crowd. When her eyes fell on Edward, she grinned and made her way to him. "Hey," she said as she plopped down beside him. She was breathless from dancing, Her cheeks were flushed and lovely in the light of the fire.

Edward offered his canteen of cool water. She thanked him, tilted her head back, and drank greedily. He laughed. "No more water for me tonight, I guess."

She ducked her head and wiped her sleeve across her mouth. "Sorry. I worked up quite a thirst."

"So I see."

They sat for a few minutes in companionable silence. Edward watched the different couples. Alice and Jasper dancing around the fire, grinning at each other like they were fresh-faced teenagers in love for the first time. Emmett and Rosalie were swaying together. She leaned on him heavily, looking tired as usual but very happy to be in the arms of her love. Alistair and Vera and Carlisle and Esme sat with the older folk off to the side. They swayed with the music and looked on with proud smiles, happy that their children were happy no doubt.

Edward was very aware of Bella beside him, how close she sat to him. They weren't touching, but he was warmer than he had been before. The chill of the evening was all but gone, in fact. He turned his head enough that he could see her in full. He watched with perhaps more rapt fascination than he should have as she took her bonnet from her head.

She began to unwind the long braid wrapped in a circlet around her head. Edward's fingers twitched at his side. He had the inexplicable urge to help her comb out the inevitable tangles. Despite the snarls, her hair looked so soft.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked when she winced and hissed.

She looked at him, her smile rueful. "The sun left the skin of my neck very tender." She lifted her hair and turned away from him. "Can you see?"

He didn't answer right away, shocked as he was to be faced with the slope of her neck and arms as she held her hair up. An unbidden mental image struck him. He imagined himself standing behind Bella, one arm around her waist holding her close, the other raised to push her hair off one shoulder. The image was visceral. He could taste her skin, likely salty from the long day's walk, on his lips.

Edward shook his head to rid himself of the vision. It had been too long since he was with a woman, that was all. Bella was vivacious and beautiful. He was still a man.

He cleared his throat and bent his head to examine her neck. "I can't see in the firelight, but I believe you. Maybe you should leave your hair down as we walk."

"And get even more dirt in it?" She turned back to him.

"Oh, honey." Edward chuckled as he rummaged through his bag. "By the time we reach journey's end, we'll all be a bedraggled mess. That will be some sight, hmm? I noticed your friend, Dr. Cullen, takes care to shave every other morning still. Mark my words, when we get where we're going, he'll have a beard as scraggly as the rest of us." He found what he was looking for. "Turn around. I got something here that'll sooth that burn."

She looked startled then shy as she stared back at him. Edward was about to apologize, sure he'd crossed a line, but she turned as he'd instructed.

He realized too late this was his vision come to life. His mouth went dry as he brushed her thick hair off one shoulder. It was soft as he expected, and he took care to smooth the tendrils that curled at her neck back. The skin was flushed as her cheeks had been when she came to his side after dancing. When he brushed the tips of his fingers over it, her skin felt warm despite the cool evening air.

"This may feel a little slimy and cold." He snapped off a leaf of the plant and peeled off the skin of one side. Bella gasped when he put the leaf to her neck, but she didn't complain. He rubbed the plant over her neck, careful to keep the rough edges away from her tender skin

"That already feels better," she said. "What is it? And why do you keep a bit of it in your satchel?"

"It's called aloe, and for exactly this purpose. Do you know how many sunburns I've had?" He chuckled. "The plant has many uses, but this is the best. All done."

Bella straightened and looked to him. "You're good with plants."

"It's a useful talent to have. Knowing your plant life can keep you alive, as you well know."

She frowned and looked down at her boots. "Those berries looked exactly the same as the ones you gave me."

"Not exactly."

She sat up straight and narrowed her eyes at him. "I asked you to teach me the difference. I want to know. I don't want to be a burden. I want to help, and I'm a quick study."

Edward's lips quirked and he turned his head just enough to regard her. "I am working you know."

"Yes. And won't it be good if you don't have to watch me all the time, as you put it?"

"I shouldn't have said that. I told you."

"It doesn't make it any less true. I'm not trying to be a pest. I won't bother you when you have other things to do. Just let me come along when you go gathering at lunching time or when we stop for the day. I won't be a burden, I swear."

"Bella dear."

They both looked up to find Esme standing over him. Her eyes were, as always kind, but Edward was suddenly very aware of his proximity to Bella. They were sitting close to each other, and he was leaning toward her. Esme's eyes flicked to his, and Edward thought he caught a hint of warning.

"Hello, Esme," Bella said. Edward thought she sounded a bit breathless.

"It's getting late. Won't you come to bed now?" She extended her hand.

Both Edward and Bella stood. Edward held his hands behind his back and nodded at Bella. "Sleep well, Miss." He tipped his hat at Esme. "Ma'am."

Edward couldn't say he was surprised when Carlisle appeared as Esme and Bella moved away. "Mind some company?" Carlisle asked.

Reasonably sure he knew what was coming, Edward gestured to the log beside him.

They sat in silence while Edward waited. From what he'd observed, Carlisle was a good father. Bella might not have been his own, but he loved her.

"I've noticed you and Bella talk a fair amount," Carlisle began. His tone was unassuming which Edward appreciated. He knew well enough fathers could be overly zealous about their pretty young daughters.

"She's curious about the rest of the trail, and she wants me to teach her about the plants."

"Is that all?"

"Is there something specific you want to know?" Edward kept his voice steady. He wasn't about to walk his foot into his mouth.

"I'll be direct then. Bella is a very clever girl. She's old for her age, but she is, of yet, young and naive. Her father isn't here, but that doesn't mean she has no one looking out for her. You seem like an honorable man."

"Nothing dishonorable is going on between us. I have much more respect for her than that."

"I saw you touch her tonight."

"She has a sunburn on her neck. I only treated it with aloe."

To his surprise, Carlisle laughed. "Perhaps of the two of you, you're the more naive."

Edward tilted his head to look at the man. "What?"

"Bella knows I have a salve with me that works quite well."

As shock coursed through Edward's system, and warmth went through his body. Somehow, he tempered his smile before Carlisle could see. It absolutely shouldn't please him that Bella played coy with him.

"Out here in the wild, it's easy to forget our society isn't without its rules," Carlisle said. "If we were home, I would never have let you alone with her at all."

"We were talking, and this is hardly alone." Edward gestured at the others scattered around them.

"I think we understand each other."

"Of course, sir. Like I said. I have a lot of respect for Bella." He took a long pull from his canteen. "I wouldn't do anything to hurt her."

"I do trust you, Edward. You seem like a very kind, very good man. But you are a man, and your life seems lonely. It's not something I want for her."

Edward turned to the man and smiled. "No. I can't blame you there."

_**~0~**_

Bella had the distinct impression she was being avoided.

Since their conversation about plants, Edward had made himself scarce at lunching time and around the fire in the evenings. It was his day to walk with the Cullens and Hales. Every time Bella tried to approach him, he quickened his pace to fall in beside one of the others.

"Oh. Hello, Edward," Esme said when Edward came up next to her. Bella fell into step a pace behind them. She wasn't intending to interrupt-she knew when she wasn't welcome-but that did nothing to slake her curiosity.

"Good morning, Esme," Edward said.

"I'm happy to see you. I wanted to thank you again for that ingenious rig you set up for us. Cream in a bucket tied under the wagon. Who would have thought to let the bumping wagons churn our cream into butter for us as we walked?"

"Ah, I'm afraid I can't claim to be the genius behind that. It was a trick I picked up on my first crossing."

"I cannot imagine doing this over and over again." Esme shivered at the thought.

"It's a more worthwhile occupation than some. There's a lot of mistakes you can make out here, and each mistake can be the difference between life and death. The more I travel this trail, the more mistakes I can head off at the pass."

"That's very noble."

"Naw. Everybody has to do something. I'm better off out here, I reckon. Worth something to someone."

"Worth a lot to us." Esme patted his arm.

Bella slowed her pace until the wagon passed. On the other side, she found Alice walking along with Rosalie.

"Sweetie, you really don't look so well," Alice was saying to Rosalie. She had her arm around the other woman.

It was true. Rosalie's face was flushed an odd shade. Her cheeks were red but somehow still pale, as though all other color had drained from her face.

"I'm fine, Alice. We'll be stopping to eat any time now. I'll be fine if I can rest for an hour."

"I'll tell you what's wrong. Why are you still wearing your wintercoat? Honey, it's hotter than Hades out here. No wonder you're so bad off. Are you crazy?" Alice tried to pull the coat off Rosalie, but the other woman shrugged out of her grasp.

"Leave me alone. I'm fine." But Bella could see her hands were shaking as she tried to pull her coat tighter about her shoulders.

It wasn't five seconds later that her eyes rolled up into her head. Alice caught her, and they both went down. Bella yelped and ran to their side. "Carlisle!" she and Alice called at the same time.

"Oh goodness," Alice said on a breath.

Bella followed her gaze down Rosalie's torso to her stomach.

Her very swollen stomach.

Rosalie was pregnant. Many months gone.

"Carlisle!" Bella called again.

They drew a crowd. Not only Carlisle and Esme, but James and Edward too.

"Ah, hell," Bella heard James say lowly.

Rosalie was already blinking awake. "Alice? Carlisle?"

Bella sagged with relief.

"Boys," Carlisle called to Henry and Peter. "Go tell Emmett and Jasper to stop the wagons. We're stopping a little early for lunch. Tell Emmett we need him here right now. And be careful. You steer clear those wheels. You hear?"

"Yes." They both nodded their promise before they ran off toward the wagons.

"Oh, sweetheart," Esme said as she clasped Rosalie's hand. "What were you thinking?"

Rosalie only whimpered and shook her head.

Alistair and Vera caught up with them next, and Bella moved back, giving everyone space. She looked up and was surprised to see Edward standing a pace away. His eyebrows were knitted; his lips pressed into a thin line. Bella felt a wave of indignation. She didn't have one single clue why Emmett and Rosalie would keep this from the family, but she didn't think it was his place to judge.

And he was judging. Hard.

His nostrils flared. He turned on his heel and strode into the forest with a purpose. Bella followed him without thinking. He was walking so fast, he was practically sprinting. Bella lifted her skirts and ran.

When they were sufficiently away from the others, she called out his name. He stopped and whirled around just as Bella stumbled. She pitched forward, arms flailing, but he caught her. Bella looked up at him in a daze, stunned to find herself pressed against his chest.

"Are you all right?" He sounded irritated, but he didn't let her go.

"I...yes."

Edward got a firm grip on her shoulders and guided her body an arm's length away from his. "Are you trying to get me killed?"

"What are you on about?"

"Carlisle already told me to stay away from you, and here you are following me into the woods alone again. You're going to get me shot."

"Carlisle would never shoot you."

"Maybe not, but if he catches us out here alone, he might tell James I'm giving trouble. James will leave me behind, Bella, to fend for myself without so much as a horse to my name to get me to safety before the winter months. Is that what you want?"

Bella's eyes went wide with fear at the idea, but just as quickly, she glared at him. "You're upset over Rosalie, and you're taking it out on me."

"I-" Edward began, but Bella folded her arms across her chest and glared. His shoulders slumped and he blew out a long breath. "You're right. As usual, you're right. And very irritating. But right."

"Rosalie hid her pregnancy, but I don't understand why it upsets you."

"Never mind. It's fine. Nothing to be done now."

"Tell me-"

"I think your friends are foolish."

"It's hardly an abnormal thing for a married couple to have a baby."

"Of course it's not abnormal. I said it's foolish, and they both know it. They wouldn't have hid it if they didn't agree."

"Rosalie has been fine to this point. There's no reason to think she can't keep up."

He took her by the shoulders and gave her a shake. "Do you understand the risk to her? It's the reason she gets so tired, isn't it? And it will only get worse. She will give birth on the trail. Even if it doesn't slow us down, it makes her vulnerable. It will make her weaker."

Bella stared. There was something far away in his eyes, a pain that wasn't professional at all. "Why are you making this so personal?" she asked.

"Because I've been there. I was a young, foolish husband once, just like Emmett, and I made every mistake." His eyes focused again and he released her. He stumbled a few steps back.

Bella was struck breathless as pieces fell into place. "Maggie died because she was going to have a baby?"

Edward sighed and fell backward. He landed heavily on his rear, but he only pulled his legs up to rest his head on them. "Yes," he said after an age.

Bella hesitated only a moment before she sat next to him, similarly drawing her legs up. She put her hand to his back. "I'm sorry, Edward. What a horrible thing to have happen, to not only lose your wife but your child."

"Don't feel sorry for me. It was my fault."

"You've said that before, but I don't think it's true."

"I knew." Edward swallowed hard. He stared straight ahead, his fists clenched. "When she told me, she begged me not to make her go. I thought she would be fine. She wouldn't even have to give birth on the trail.

"But I was an idiot. We weren't on the trail more than a month before she took sick. The ladies in our train, they said it happens sometimes. Some are more sick than others. That was Maggie. It was horrible for her. There was no room in the wagon for her to lie down, and I had to drive the wagon. We had no help."

He breathed in and out. Bella was stunned silent. She didn't know what to say or do besides rub his back. He hung his head, and when he spoke again, his voice was very quiet. "It was one of the river crossings. The current hit us stronger than we thought. She was too weakened by her sickness to keep her head above water long. By the time I got to her, it was too late."

Bella felt very young and silly. What could she say to something like that? What a profound loss. "Edward… Babies are born on the trail every day. I've heard the tales as well as you have. I know we all think too much about the deaths, but I heard tell that most trains end up with more people than they started out with. Some die. Journey like this… I expect that's inevitable, but many more live. So much of it is chance-luck."

"Luck… and knowledge. I was ignorant. I did everything wrong. I had no business taking a woman with child on the trail when I had another option. And you have no idea the mistakes I made. I overloaded the wagon. I kept so many things for so long we had no real need for. If I had dumped them before or not taken them at all, she might have been able to rest in the wagon at the very least."

"We always know the right choices to make in hindsight. I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry."

He tilted his head up and blinked sporadically. She thought he might be fighting tears, but then he laughed.

"What?" she asked as he climbed to his feet.

He said nothing at first but reached up and pulled down a branch laden with familiar looking berries. "Well. You are already alone out here with me. I may as well teach you a thing or two." He beckoned her close. "It's mainly the leaves. See the spike here? The ones I gave you have a rounded leaf."

It took Bella a few seconds to catch up with the change of subject. She gave him a look, and he shook his head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you all that," he said.

"I'm glad you did. I think it helps to talk sometimes." She put her hand to his arm briefly. "I still don't think it was your fault."

His thin smile made her think he didn't believe her, but he didn't press the issue. "Pay attention," he said. "Though in this case, I'm not sure how much good it'll do. From here on out, berries that look like this are poisonous, period. We're about out of range of the other kind. But there are plenty of plants and berries out there we'll be coming across shortly."

Bella let her questions turn from Edward's past to his impromptu lesson. They passed the lunch hour together, and Bella just considered it a helpful twist of fate that everyone was still fussing over Rosalie when they got back. It looked like no one knew they'd even gone.

* * *

**A/N: So there's Edward's whole story.**

**Many thanks to jfka06, songster, and Barburella. So much heart all around.**

**How we doing out there?**


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